BACK AT WORK

Today was my first day back at work and needless to say many tears were shed. As I fed Sula for the last time before leaving I could feel in my stomach the pain of the emotions that were to come. I handed her to my sister Lindsey and walked out the door with tear welling up in my eyes. I did not let it get the best of me as I knew I had to be strong and it would only be for a couple hours. I parked my car and walked into the building straight into the weekly two hour staff meeting (joy). Everyone was happy to see me but of course their first question was "how is Sula". My response was great and very happy but I don't want to talk about it (trying to hold back tears). As the day went on each person who saw me continued to ask about Sula and how I was doing. Let me tell you this people. When a mama is so close with her baby and all she can talk or think about is her sweet baby please do not ask her how she is doing or how the baby is doing on what is perhaps the most difficult day! I cannot tell you how hard it was to be away from my baby. I knew she was in good hands though because her auntie loves her so much.

Status report from today was excellent. Lindsey changed Sula's diaper 3 times, each time resulting in a very happy baby. Sula was fussy so Lindsey picked her up and walked around with her. Sula quickly fell asleep. Lindsey layed on the couch with Sula on my chest, holding my baby as she slept for 3 long hours. Sula has the best aunt (seriously what daycare would do that?). Most of the time she is fine sleeping in her swing or in the pack and play but sometime she will wake up if you try to put her down as she simply wants to be held.

As I walked in the door I heard complete silence. I walked into the family room and saw a very happy Sula and Lindsey giving her a bottle. Since we practiced with the bottle she sees it as a toy. Never screams or crys and will just play with it in her mouth if she is not hungry. I was able to get her to suck on it for the first time last week and was so proud of myself! Though when I gave it to her she only sucked out about an ounce because she knew the real thing was just 2 feet from her. However when Lindsey gave it to her she drank the entire bottle! YAY Lindsey, you totally rock! I don't know what I would do without you and your support. We are so lucky to have amazing family. Sula absolutely loves you!

In respect to work I am still not sure what to do. I will continue to work my part time (4 hours a day, 5 days a week) to test it out. If I am completly miserable then I will quit and be a full time mama. If I can manage it then I will continue to work part time and be come with Sula for the rest of the time. At least 4 hours is not that long and it's when she is asleep. I am still so torn because even though it's just a few hours I don't want to be away from her. I love my baby and she is my everything.